Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
