Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
