Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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