Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
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he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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