I need help removing her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
