I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
