Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
