wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
