I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
