I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
