I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize