I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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