You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
