so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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