sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
