Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
