i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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