There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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