i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
