Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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