It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
