you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
