Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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