i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
