I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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