Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
