I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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