apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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