Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
