Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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