Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
