oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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