i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
