I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
