get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
