fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
