After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
