I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
