Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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