I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
