a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
