dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
