I didn't shave. On purpose
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
