Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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