Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
