So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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