Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
