It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize