Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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