I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
