I saw his package. It spoke to me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
