I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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