Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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