making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just pee around me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
