So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
