when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
