I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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